Our Solo Ager clients often ask, “Do I have to tell an heir that I’ve named them in my will?” For one reason or another, you may not be sure what to do. We will discus the pros and cons of telling your heirs they have been named in your will.

Do heirs have to be notified?

You are not legally required to notify your heirs when you make your will. However, once you die and your executor begins the probate process, your executor is required to notify your heirs that they are named in the will. In fact, the executor must send a copy of the will to the heirs. This means the heirs will also see who the other heirs are and what they will inherit.

Why not tell your heirs?

First of all, nothing is final. There is a good chance you might change your will again before you die. It would be pretty awkward to tell someone that they are inheriting something, and then you change your mind. You don’t want to cause drama between you and your heirs, or among the heirs themselves. Suppose you have two nieces between whom you were going to split your estate 50/50. Then they find out that you’ve changed it to 75/25. This will create an awkward situation among all of you, especially if the nieces are sisters.

You may find that once you tell your heirs what they will inherit, the heirs’ behavior changes. It could feel as if you are dangling their inheritance in front of them. Or maybe the ones inheriting the most won’t try as hard to win your favor or hang around as much, since they feel secure in what they plan to receive.

When to tell heirs

Generally, I don’t recommend telling your heirs what they will specifically inherit for the reasons described above. However, there are times when it makes sense to tell them. One reason is to help them plan for the future. Say you have a niece with school-aged children, and she is struggling to figure out how much to save up for college. You know that by the time her children are in college, you won’t be around. You can let your niece know that they will receive an inheritance to take care of those costs. This news could alter how aggressively she saves, which will make their lives easier now (not just when the inheritance comes). Just remember – once she relies on this information to set her financial plan, it will not look good if you change your mind!

If you are not planning on giving much to your heirs or you plan to give mostly to charity, then set expectations for your heirs. Let them know that you plan to give your wealth to charities and for them not to expect a large inheritance. Doing this can help avoid hard feelings after your death. If you have a relative who’s expecting to receive a lot and they find out after you pass that it’s going to charity, it may tarnish your legacy in their eyes. But if you set expectations before you pass, then the heirs will be prepared.

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The Netflix movie, “I Care a Lot,” shows a nightmare scenario for Solo Agers. It is a dramatization of what could potentially happen to our Solo Ager friends.

Below we’ll separate 7 myths from reality in this movie. Spoiler alert! If you want to watch the movie first, then save this blog to read after you’ve seen the movie. We’ll be discussing mostly just the first 30 minutes of the movie (the set-up) but we will touch on parts later in the movie.

The sole job of the main character, Marla, is to act as a guardian for people who are incapacitated. Elderly Ms. Peterson is deemed to be incompetent, and Marla is appointed to take over her affairs. Marla represents what a bad guardian can look like. Ms. Peterson’s situation shows how brutal it can feel if you are a vulnerable Solo Ager.

1. “Pain in the rear” patients get nudged into system

In one scene, Marla talks to the doctor about how Ms. Peterson is a pain in the rear. Marla prefers for Ms. Peterson to get nudged into the system and out of her hands.

I would say that yes, this is real. It may not happen as maliciously or overtly as the movie, but doctors, nursing homes, social workers, and courts/guardians are human. We don’t like dealing with people who are a pain.

What happens when the doctor, social worker, etc., thinks a patient is a pain? They are more prone to medicate the problem or pass the patient onto the next facility or next guardian.

2. Solo Agers targeted

In the same scene, Marla is speaking with the doctor and assistant. They describe Ms. Peterson as a “cherry.” It’s clear from the context that a “cherry” is a wealthy Solo Ager who is vulnerable and has no family.

I’d say that this is real. Solo Agers aren’t necessarily targeted by bad guy movie characters, but by advertising, financial advisors, and prepaid funeral plans. There are a lot of eyes on wealthy Solo Agers. This kind of person is more likely targeted than someone with a family to help or less money to grab.

3. “The System” = judge, doctors, homes

Is there a gamut through which the Solo Ager gets pushed?

There’s a scene where Marla is in court, and the judge knows her. Even though Marla is doing bad things, they are a bit chummy, and the judge seems to trust her. Marla also has ongoing relationships with the nursing home directors, who want to fill their rooms while Marla is looking for places to put her Solo Agers. There are also scenes showing kickbacks where money is exchanged, and Marla gets paid in stocks.

Yes, this is real too. Again, it’s not a dramatized as the movie, but it’s easy to imagine subtler versions. There is a system, and these professionals know each other. Once you’re a victim in the system, it’s hard to get out. You can get pushed from the court to the guardian to the nursing home to the social worker. Even Ms. Peterson’s dangerous and powerful son couldn’t get her out of the system.

4. Court-appointed stranger

In an early scene, Ms. Peterson’s morning tea is interrupted by a knock on the door. Marla is at the door telling her that she is Ms. Peterson’s court-appointed guardian. She tells Ms. Peterson to come with her or she will have to deal with the sheriffs.

It is possible to get stuck with a stranger as a court-appointed guardian. We had a case where our client expressed that she wanted her attorney or family member to be her guardian and the court ignored it.

5. Hearing without the solo ager?

Can all of this happen without a Solo Ager being able to stop it?

There were courtroom scenes where Ms. Peterson was not present to speak up for herself. It seems that Ms. Peterson had no idea what was going on until Marla knocked on her door.

This is a myth, at least in New York. I’m sure it could happen in some states or in an emergent circumstance. However, in New York, judges have gone to GREAT lengths to have the Solo Ager at the hearing, especially now that platforms such as Zoom can be used. They have the right to be heard, to testify, to make their wishes known. I’ve even been in situations asking the judge to end the testimony sooner because our person is in pain, etc. But the judges are adamant that the hearing is important.

6. Taking her phone

There is a scene where Marla takes away Ms. Peterson’s phone as she is ushered into the nursing facility. It was like Ms. Peterson was in a prison, because she was not allowed to have contact with the outside world.

This is a partial myth. In New York, nursing home patients are allowed to have their own phones. But if the phone breaks, runs out of battery, runs out of plan time, etc., is it SUPER hard to connect with a patient in a nursing home to replace or repair the phone. It’s not because the nursing home is trying to cut off communication; it’s just difficult to accomplish even small things when dealing with nursing homes.

7. Raiding the safe deposit box

As Marla takes control of Ms. Peterson’s life, she goes to the bank to raid the safe deposit box.

This is a myth. In New York, when an executor/guardian opens a safe deposit box, there is a procedure set up. The box opening has to be performed in front of two bank witnesses and all people present must sign the inventory of contents to submit to the court. In real life, there’s no way anyone can walk into a bank and get into a safe deposit box without abiding by the procedures.

Overall, it was a good movie. For professionals in our line of work, the first 30 minutes of the movie are probably the most frustrating. If you’ve seen the movie, please let us know your thoughts. If you are a Solo Ager watching it, don’t get stressed out that this is how life will be.

To learn about estate planning tips for Solo Agers, please check out my book, “The Solo Ager Estate Plan,” available on Amazon.

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As a Solo Ager, choosing who inherits from you is something you should think about. Should it be the person who was there the most at the end? Or someone who had more of a life-long relationship with the decedent?

Which relative should inherit?

You can be a Solo Ager and still have siblings, nieces, and nephews, etc. Should the person who inherits your estate be that lifelong “favorite” niece or nephew that you went to ball games with or sewed with?

Alternatively, there may have been a distant relative who was there for you at the end when things got tough. Perhaps it was someone who helped you with personal medical and hygiene needs. That kind of care creates an instant close relationship.

We deal with estates after someone has passed on, and we hear both sides of the story. There may be the niece who says she was close with her aunt for 40 years and then all of a sudden everything goes to Cousin Johnny. The other point of view is that Cousin Johnny, who never had a close relationship with the aunt, was the one who stepped up to care for her in the end. There is no right answer, but this is an example of both points of view.

Can a caregiver inherit?

In a similar scenario, rather than talking about Cousin Johnny, a hired home-aide or nurse was caring for the decedent in the end. Often, the “hired help” do get something from the decedent’s estate. We’ve seen butlers, live-in maids, and live-in cooks either inherit or not inherit. The family often underestimates how close the decedent was with their cook or maid. On the other hand, sometimes the home-aide overestimates his or her place and expects a large inheritance that will never come.

A word of caution for home-aides and cousins helping at the end: The courts may look into whether a beneficiary exerted undue influence on the Solo Ager when making the will. For example, when someone is so reliant on another person for daily care, they have reason to fear that the care may be withheld if they don’t sign a will naming the home-aide as a beneficiary. If the court finds that this is the case, the will might be deemed invalid.

Leaving money to a church in your will

In this context, we’ll use the word “church” to describe any religious or community organization. For many Solo Agers, the church provides a lot of comfort and community toward the end of life. When the Solo Ager lives far away from (or has outlived) their family, the church sort of becomes their family. The church may also be the one that you rely on to give you a proper burial and memorial service.

For these reasons, the church is often a main beneficiary. This may be confusing for relatives far away because they think they should get the money. But in reality, the church was the one meeting the needs of the Solo Ager at the end.

These scenarios should get you thinking about having a solid estate plan. For Solo Agers, it’s wise to get at least one version done now while you are unquestionably of sound mind. That way, there is a paper trail showing your minor changes along the way.

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The following are three recent questions from our Solo Ager listeners. Thanks for your questions!

Is a bank as an executor better?

This question comes from a Solo Ager who listened to our previous podcast episode 221, where we discussed whether executors are contractually bound to serve.

Our listener asks, “since professional executors are not contractually bound, aren’t banks better?” The short answer is: No. Banks aren’t contractually bound, either. Individuals and banks are on the same level regarding that issue.

This leads us to the next question: why wouldn’t a bank take an estate? To answer this question, you have to think far ahead 10, 15, or even 20 years.

What we have seen happen is that the bank shuts down their estate’s division. Or perhaps between the time they agreed to be your executor and the time that you pass away, the bank increases their estate minimums, so now your estate doesn’t qualify. For example, your estate may have been two million dollars when you appointed the bank, and that amount met the bank’s minimum requirements. But, since then, they bumped up their minimum to five million, which makes your estate ineligible.

Even if you meet the qualifications and the bank still has an estate department, the bank’s review committee may reject your estate. Maybe they see the estate as too risky, due to family feuds and potential litigation. Or maybe the estate has too many illiquid assets (house, art, collectibles, etc.). Banks want to be in this business to control your portfolio, and it is a lot of work to liquidate those kinds of assets.

Should a professional executor review my will before I sign?

I am often asked to be the professional executor for my clients, but I am rarely the attorney who drafts the will. This may be due to the client living in another state, they have an attorney they’re comfortable with, or that we’re not currently drafting wills.

The short answer is: No, it’s not required any more than it’s required for a spouse or best friend to review it.

However, if you name a professional executor (such as a bank or attorney), we can be a good second set of eyes to review your Last Will to make sure it’s what you want. It’s like getting a free second opinion.

But if you’re working with a good attorney, it’s not necessary to have a professional executor review the will. You also don’t want your drafting attorney to feel like he is being second-guessed. 

It could also be confusing having a lot of different people with different opinions looking at the will. You don’t want too many cooks in that kitchen.

Does naming beneficiaries on my accounts help my professional executor?

Here’s the problem: if you name beneficiaries on too many (or all) of your accounts, you put your executor in a liquidity crunch. Because those beneficiary accounts go directly to the beneficiary, the executor won’t have operating cash to move the estate forward. The executor may not have enough funds to pay bills, taxes, etc.  

An example of this is one of our estates with two houses, a business, a car, and a bunch of accounts. The accounts and car had beneficiaries on them. So, now I am the executor of two houses and a business, and I have no cash. My job is to settle the estate, but I have no money to clean out the houses, secure the business property, or pay to evict the tenant that won’t leave. There are solutions, but they are not ideal. I’ll probably have to sell the business or house at a severe discount, because who is going to want to buy a house full of junk because I can’t pay to have it cleaned? Who is going to buy a business where I haven’t been able to secure it or get the financials done? No cash means selling the property “as-is,” which means fewer buyers. 

When I am named as executor, I make sure there are more than sufficient accounts in probate to cover the estate bills, or else I usually will decline to serve, as it puts me in a tough position. 

These are great, relevant questions, so please keep them coming!