So, you finally did it: you made and signed your will. Now, where do you store the original? We get this question a lot from Solo Agers, particularly those who have named me as executor in their wills.
Can you keep your will at home?
It’s not a good idea, even if you have a fireproof box or filing cabinet. The big drawback (at least in New York) is the legal presumption of intentional revocation. Meaning, if you lose the original (in absence of evidence), the court will assume that you intentionally destroyed it.
If you store it with the court, lawyer, or executor, they do not have the right to revoke your will. If your executor loses your will, they can still potentially probate a copy of your will.
Storing your will in a safe deposit box is a bad idea. Getting into someone’s safe deposit box after death can be a pain. That pain is compounded if the will that authorizes your executor to access the safe deposit box is in the safe deposit box!
Does probate court keep original will?
Yes, there is a mechanism called “filing a will for safekeeping” in the New York courts. You go to your local county surrogate’s court and pay a fee of $45.00. They will keep it in the court’s vault.
The benefit of filing a will with the court is that it’s a centralized process. One of the first things we do when we probate an estate is to check with the court to see if they have the will.
However, there are two major cons: 1) A publicly filed will is a semi-public record. This doesn’t mean that anyone can walk in and look at it. Rather, suppose you make a new will years after you filed your first will with the court. Maybe you forgot you ever filed the first will, and now your executor is probating your subsequent will, which names different beneficiaries. Your executor may need to notify the beneficiaries of the first will. This is probably not the case if you didn’t file your will with the court. 2) Another drawback is: which court do you file it with? What if you file it in Manhattan, but then you move to Long Island? Probate occurs where you die. If the will isn’t stored in that court, then the benefit of checking the court for the will doesn’t exist anymore.
Do lawyers keep original wills?
Yes, some lawyers offer fireproof storage for wills, trusts, and other client documents. Most do not charge a fee for this. Not all lawyers offer to hold wills due to the risk involved. As mentioned above, if the lawyer loses your will, the executor should still be able to probate a copy.
Should I give my will to the executor?
Generally, the answer is no. However, a professional executor lawyer is set up to safely store your will. Most amateur executors (family, friends) are not set up and have the same issues as you for where to store it.
To find out more on this topic, check out my book, “How to Hire an Executor,” available on Amazon.
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Every bitcoin estate plan must include a simple, easy-to-understand letter of instruction to your heirs or executor. If you don’t, all of your hard-hoarded bitcoin may disappear.
Explain Bitcoin to a Child
Keep it super simple! Write the letter like you are explaining bitcoin to a child. Do not give the whole history of bitcoin, block chain, sound money, etc. Just write enough to get them past this treacherous stage: handling new and complex assets while grieving.
In your letter, write about:
High-level concepts;
Major pitfalls to avoid when working with cryptocurrency; and
Immediate to-dos or checklist.
Bitcoin vs Banks
Most of your heirs understand banks and brokerage accounts. So, explain how bitcoin is different. Explain that cryptocurrency can be lost forever if handled wrong, unlike dealing with a bank. There is no password recovery.
If your heir is a little more financially savvy, explain that bitcoin is like a bearer instrument. Bearer instruments are certificates where whoever holds them owns the money. (Cash is essentially a bearer instrument). When you give someone your bitcoin keys, that person has complete no-consequence access to your funds. No one will check their ID or verify their signature.
Where You Store Your Bitcoin
In your instruction letter, explain where you store your bitcoin keys. You should have a rough inventory of what you’re holding so your heirs know what to look for. Most bitcoiners have a little bit on an exchange (Coinbase, Binance, Gemini, etc.). You may also have some hot wallets online (apps, browser extensions, etc.). Lastly you may have cold wallets, which are not connected to the internet at all (hardware or paper certificate).
It is important that your instructions are in a letter, not in your will. Your holdings could change, and you won’t want to update your will for every change.
Next, explain how the heirs can access the items on your inventory.
Exchanges are simple to explain, because they are more similar to banks than anything else. You heirs will send the death certificate and letters from the court and the exchange will turn over possession to the heirs.
Wallets are a little different. A good solution for a hardware wallet is to give a clone wallet to an executor or heir and give the PIN to someone else. Or you can split up a seed phrase and pass phrase among different heirs and they must collaborate to access your bitcoin.
Bitcoin letter of instruction example
If you’re reading this, I’m either dead or incapacitated. If I’m not dead or incapacitated, PLEASE STOP READING NOW.
This letter is about my Bitcoin and other cryptocurrency, and how to access them. I won’t even try to explain everything about Bitcoin here, but I want you to know enough to not get robbed or lose everything.
Some important high-level concepts:
(1) Cryptocurrencies can be lost, forever! There’s no FDIC, or bank customer support to stop payment or reverse a bad transaction. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.
(2) There’s no password reset or “recover lost password.” If you lose the passwords (known as seed phrases, I’ll explain below), Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies are gone forever.
(3) Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies are “bearer” assets, like cash. Whoever holds it, owns it. So if you hand someone the seed phrases, it’s like handing them an untraceable bag of cash.
Nervous enough? No worries, Just follow these instructions, and you should be fine.
On Exchanges
I hold some Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies on the following exchanges:
– Binance.com/Coinbase.com/Gemini.com
This is the easy part: just ask my executor or probate lawyer to contact the exchange with an original death certificate and letters testamentary, and they’ll give further instructions on how to transfer my Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies.
Now it gets harder.
On Hardware Wallets
I also hold some Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies on hardware wallets. What’s a hardware wallet? It looks like a large USB thumb drive, and my passwords/seed phrases are securely stored inside the device. You need my PIN code to access my hardware wallet.
My hardware wallet (and duplicate copies) are located:
– Describe locations
You should automatically receive an email with the PIN within six months of my death (I set up a “Dead Man’s Switch”). Just remember: anyone who has both my hardware wallet and PIN has full, irreversible access to the Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies inside.
Seed Phrase
If you cannot find or access any of the hardware wallets, you can still recover my Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies using my “seed phrase.” This string of 24 ordered words is the secret password to control the funds, even without the hardware wallet device.
I’ve given the first 12 words to these trusted people: Bart, Lisa, and Maggie
And the second 12 words to: Moe, Larry, and Curly
Contact whoever you need to complete the 24 word seed phrase. And remember: whoever has the full 24 word phrase has full, irreversible access to the Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies inside.That’s it.You probably won’t be able to navigate all this without some help.But at least you now know how to find and protect the hardware device and seed phrases while you figure out the rest.
Also, consider choosing an executor who understands bitcoin custody. If you want to learn more about how a professional executor can help , check out my book, “How to Hire an Executor,” available on Amazon. I don’t have a Bitcoin chapter yet, but you’ll get a sense of how choosing a professional can make things easier, especially for something complicated like an estate that includes Bitcoin.
Request your free consultation
Sign-up for your free consultation using the form above, and I’ll be happy to email you a free chapter from Anthony’s best-selling book “How to Hire an Executor.”
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Let’s review a real-world case study of a client’s plan to transfer his bitcoin upon his death. This looks like an elegant solution, so let us know if you see any major red flags!
Cloned wallets and sharded seeds
The client’s plan focused on clone wallets and sharded seeds.
The plan starts with two clone hardware wallets. A hardware wallet is like a minicomputer that plugs into your USB drive, but it is not fully connected to the internet or the computer. It keeps your private keys/secret codes offline while allowing you to interact in online transactions. When you clone your hardware wallet, you make duplicates of it. Each clone wallet is password protected.
The client gives one clone wallet to his executor. He gives the other clone wallet to his sister (who is an heir). Neither the executor nor the sister has the PIN to the wallet. They just have the device. They will receive the PIN upon the client’s death either by dead man’s switch or from another heir.
Then the client shards his seed phrase. Remember the seed phrase is 12 or 24 secret words that you can use to recover your cryptocurrency if something happens to your hardware wallet.
The client has divided his 12 words into two chunks of 6. The client gives half of those seed words to his executor. The executor won’t receive the second half of the words until the client dies.
Upon death, the executor will receive the PIN code to his clone wallet and then he has access to the cryptocurrency. The back-up plan is that the sister receives her PIN code from another heir or dead man’s switch. Then she has access to the cryptocurrency. In the event of hardware failure, the executor will receive the second half of the seed words to recover the hardware wallet.
Risk of theft vs catastrophic loss
Plans need to balance risk of theft vs. risk of catastrophic loss. You are twice as likely to lose your cryptocurrency than to have a hacker steal it from you. It is more complicated than memorizing a PIN code. You don’t have the safeguard of calling a bank to reset your PIN. It is also easy to over-complicate things and make it too difficult for your heirs. There might be security holes in your plan, but are they big enough to merit increasing risk of catastrophic loss?
Redundancy, and balancing risks
Using multiple hardware wallets is tangible and understandable. A hardware wallet is a device, and it needs a code to access the cryptocurrency. If hardware wallets fail, then you can always shard the seed phrase.
By using cloned wallets, there is a slight increase for the risk of theft. In this case, the client accepted the increased risk of theft to decrease the chance of his cryptocurrency disappearing upon his death.
While this plan isn’t perfect, I like it. Please pick it apart – I want to hear your feedback. We might not be hard-core “bitcoin-ers,” but we do know what happens when people die! Being an executor is not easy. If you add cryptocurrency to the executor’s job, it’s definitely harder. It will be interesting to learn more as people die holding cryptocurrency.
If you want to learn more about probate in general, please check out my book, “How Probate Works.” I don’t have a Bitcoin chapter yet, but you will get a sense of how the probate process applies to your Bitcoin situation.
Request your free consultation
Sign-up for your free consultation using the form above, and I’ll be happy to email you a free chapter from Anthony’s best-selling book “How Probate Works.”
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We’ve talked about mistakes when choosing the witnesses to your will (5 Mistakes With DIY Wills and Witnesses), but what actually happens if you can’t track down a witness during the probate process?
Witnesses to a will cannot be found
What does it mean when the witness cannot be found? First, it could be that the witness has passed away. Second, it could mean that they left the state or the country. In todays’ age of technology, it is not that big of a deal if someone moves, but it can still lead to complications in the probate process.
Lastly, sometimes the witness simply won’t cooperate. Sometimes the witness is someone doing a good deed at the time of witnessing but doesn’t want further contact after the person is deceased. For example, maybe the attorney asked a random hospital worker to witness a patient’s will.
What to do when witnesses to will cannot be found
What does a probate attorney do when a witness to a will cannot be found? It starts with internet searches, but if no results turn up then the attorney can hire a private investigator. Private investigators have access to tools and databases that a regular person does not. They can find the witness or proof of the witness’s death. Then the attorney can prove that he or she was diligent in finding contact information or proof of death.
If an attorney was present to supervise the will signing, then ask that attorney to act as a second witness. It’s like having a backup witness in place.
Once you have the witness information, the attorney needs to check if the court will accept only one witness. Unfortunately, even after all the diligent and time-consuming work, the court may still decide that one witness is not enough.
How to avoid missing witnesses
You should always make a self-proving will. This means that the will has a separate affidavit that the witnesses sign saying that they witnessed the will. It’s an extra layer of confirmation, but it is not iron-clad. If the will is contested, then the witnesses can still be called into court.
It is a good idea to have professional witnesses to your will. This does not mean “professionals” such as nurses, doormen, bank tellers, etc. Professional witnesses could be paralegals or other attorneys who do this regularly. First of all, they know what to look for and know how to testify later as a witness to a will. Also, they are generally more available and easier to track down.
Even if your state requires two witnesses for a will, you can have more. That way, if one died away or is hard to find, then you can at least still have the required two. It’s like having a back-up to the back-up.
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Many people make this mistake with personal property when creating their estate plan: They include a long laundry list of the tiniest items in their official, legal will.
We’ll discuss why this can be a problem, and what you should do instead.
Leaving personal property in a will
It is very common to leave personal property in a will. However, it can cause problems during the probate process.
Personal property lists change frequently. The items on the list may change, or you may change who you want to receive the items. You won’t want to pay money to update your will every time there is a change on the list.
Unlike a bank account, it’s hard to put a value on your personal property. Some personal property items that might make sense to put in the will are large or expensive items. Examples of these are a classic car, expensive jewelry and art, and collectibles. To determine whether the item has significant value, ask yourself: would this item be worth sending to an appraiser?
Personal property you should never put in your will
To re-cap, items that are fine to put in your will are ones with big value, worth paying for an appraisal, and things that you will likely still own when you die.
People love to put furniture in their wills, but this isn’t usually a good idea. Furniture is often in poor condition, heavy, and costly to move. It also puts pressure on the beneficiaries who may not have wanted the furniture, as most people already have complete furnished houses.
What about jewelry that is more expensive than costume jewelry, but less expensive than “estate” jewelry? It’s worth something, but not worth appraising. In this case, it’s best not to mention it in the will.
Lastly, do not put clothing in your will! Unless it is a costly mink coat, it’s not worth the headache to have your will revised every time you get rid of or buy clothing. Again, like furniture, your clothes may not be desired by your heirs.
It’s not that these items are not important, but there is a better way to leave much of your personal property to your loved ones.
Use a personal property memorandum, instead
A personal property memorandum is a separate document that is not part of your will. Revising your will is expensive but updating a personal property memorandum is not. The personal property memorandum is very easy to update. It could be as simple as a Word document that you update as you wish, then send the most recent copy to your attorney to keep on file. Unlike a will, the personal property memorandum is not legally binding, and that’s ok! You should choose an executor who you trust to carry out your wishes.
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In Episode 206 we talked about how to set up a trust. This time, we’ll talk about how to manage a bitcoin trust as the trustee.
How to Transfer Bitcoin to Trustee
As we discussed in Episode 206, there are a couple of ways to transfer control of the trust to the trustee. These are the dead man’s switch, sharding, and even old-school envelopes.
The dead man’s switch requires the trust maker to hit a button at regular scheduled intervals. Failure to hit the button presumes your death, and an email containing your seed phrase gets sent to your trusted people. (This is not a good plan, since it stores your seed on a ‘hot” device, the email server).
You can also “shard” your code and break up your seed phrase into chunks. You would give these chunks to different trusted people who will come together after your death to put the pieces together.
How to Invest the Trust Assets
Now that trustee has control, how should the trustee hold and manage the Bitcoin? This depends on the decedent’s wishes.
Sometimes, the decedent’s wish is to liquidate to fiat, convert to cash, then invest it as a normal trust.
But most bitcoin holders probably want their trust to continue to hold bitcoin on behalf of the heirs. The problem is that there is no such thing as a fiduciary account on the centralized exchanges. That is, there’s no way for a trustee to open an account at Coinbase, Gemini, etc. Those exchanges only allow individuals to open accounts, not trusts. So make sure you choose a trustee who knows how to handle a digital or hardware wallets and safeguard the trust keys/seeds.
If your trustee holds the Bitcoin in trust, he must manage his own wallet. He must also maintain security and anti-loss protocols as if it were his own. If the trustee dies with the keys or seed phrases, that’s not good. The trustee needs to have something in place to avoid catastrophic loss in a secure way. It makes sense for the trustee to have a sharding with the successor trustee or a backup attorney.
Bitcoin Trust Fund Distribution to Beneficiaries
Since cryptocurrency is so volatile, it is best to distribute the bitcoin in-kind. Meaning, instead of the trustee selling the Bitcoin and giving the cash to the heir, just distribute the actual bitcoin to the heir. This way, the beneficiary bears risk of if/when to exchange to fiat.
The problem with this approach is that not all beneficiaries know how to receive or manage cryptocurrency. Beneficiaries should have some skill with cryptocurrency and have their own wallets/digital addresses.
If you want to learn more about how a professional executor or trustee can help , check out my book, “How to Hire an Executor,” available on Amazon. I don’t have a Bitcoin chapter yet, but you’ll get a sense of how choosing a professional can make things easier, especially for something complicated like an estate that includes Bitcoin.
Request your free consultation
Sign-up for your free consultation using the form above, and I’ll be happy to email you a free chapter from Anthony’s best-selling book “How to Hire an Executor.”
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Recently, our solo ager client, Julie, moved into a long-term rehabilitation facility. Thankfully, her health is stable, but her bills are starting to fall behind.
No plan: What is Article 81 Guardianship?
An Article 81 guardian is someone that takes over your financial affairs when you have no prior plan. By walking you through this situation, we will show you what can happen if you fail to plan.
Unfortunately, Julie only had half a plan. She has a Last Will and in it, I’m named as her executor because she has no relatives nearby. But this is only half of a plan because a will only takes effect when Julie dies. Until then, I have no legal authority.
To help Julie manage her finances and pay her bills, I have to ask the court to name me as her Article 81 guardian. Any time you have to go to court, there are usually delays, costs, and uncertainty. While we are waiting at the mercy of the court process, Julie’s co-op payments are falling behind.
Better Plan: Guardianship vs Revocable Trust
What would have been a better, complete plan for Julie? In this case, with a revocable trust, I could step in and help Julie without the long court process. Besides avoiding probate, another benefit of a revocable trust is the end-of-life help with finances. For the same reasons you’d avoid probate, you’d want your end-of-life team to be able to help you without going to court.
If you worry that it’s too expensive to hire a lawyer for a trust, note that the cost of an Article 81 guardianship is between $5,000 to $10,000. A revocable trust costs about $2,000. I don’t recommend revocable trusts for everyone, but it is often a wise option for solo agers.
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Many of our Solo Ager clients want to make sure they don’t leave anything to a relative who is distant, estranged, or they just dislike. Here are a couple of common misconceptions – and the best solution.
Can’t I just omit them from the Will?
The assumption is, “If I omit them from my Will, they have zero involvement, right?”
For example, you are unmarried with no children, and you have several nieces and nephews who are not involved in your life. Those nieces and nephews are the ones who would inherit if you didn’t have a Will, and they will receive a court notice even if you omit them from your Will.
That court notice is basically an invitation to come to court and contest the Will. Those nieces and nephews may not have legitimate grounds to contest, but may drain the estate’s funds fighting the legal battle, stress out your intended heirs, etc.
Can’t I specifically disinherit them in my Will?
Yes, this is called an “In terrorem” clause, but there are two problems with this approach:
You’re still notifying them and inviting them to contest your Will; and
In terrorem works best with an “incentive,” which you probably don’t want to give.
For example, an In terrorem clause could state that if a nephew contests the Will, then he might not receive anything. The problem here is that you didn’t want him to receive anything anyway. Now, he has no disincentive to contest the Will.
The In terrorem clause works best by giving the nephew something as a disincentive for him to challenge the Will: “I leave $10,000 to my nephew, but if he contests the Will, he will not be entitled to receive the $10,000.” In this example, you have given your nephew a disincentive to challenge, but you’ve also given him money as advanced blackmail that you would not have given to him in the first place.
Solution: A Trust
In the situation where you want to make sure a specific person does not get anything and cannot challenge your wishes – a Trust works best.
A Trust is a mechanism used to deliver assets to your heirs without the probate court process. If you don’t have the probate court process, then no notice is sent to heirs who are not named in the Trust. Even if an unnamed relative finds out about the Trust, there is no easy mechanism to contest your wishes. Unlike the In terrorem clause in the Will, there is no need to give an “incentive” in the Trust.
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Another question that we receive often is “should I name a trust as beneficiary of my estate?” In a recent case, Rhonda reached out to us, because she wanted the benefits of a trust (avoid probate, reduce chance of a “will contest,” etc.), but she was not quite ready for the headache of a full-blown trust setup. In her particular situation, naming her trust as beneficiary makes sense. If you are considering this doing this, here are a few things you should consider.
How to Name Trust as Beneficiary
A full-blown trust has to be set up and funded. It can be a nominal amount, even as little as $10. It has to own things and you will need to convert your banking accounts, houses, and related items from your individual name to the trust name. It may be quite a bit of work in some situations. For example. if you live in a co-op, this can be a lot of work to change your deed. You will likely need board approval, and this will take time and work. If changing your banking, you will need to go to the bank and open new accounts in the trust name. You’ll then need to change any direct deposits and withdraws once the new account is open.
In Rhonda’s case, instead of changing all of her accounts now, she is leaving them in her name and changing the beneficiary of the accounts to a trust. For example, when you have life insurance, you can name a person or multiple people as beneficiaries. However, instead of naming a person, you can name your trust to be the recipient.
In her situation, her trust will be unfunded until she passes. Upon her passing, the trust will be funded using the beneficiary designations.
To name a trust as a beneficiary, there are three basic steps. You must create the trust document, you then fund the trust (even a nominal $10), and finally, you name a beneficiary. Usually, you can obtain change of beneficiary forms for your accounts to change the names. The result: you have a hollow, but ready, trust on standby, which is ready to accept funds as beneficiary upon your passing.
Pros of Your Trust as Beneficiary
One of the pros for taking this route is that, in theory, you get to avoid the costs and headache of probate. Probate is generally not easy and takes a long time. If there is a beneficiary on an account, then the account does not need to go through probate to be liquidated. You simply need a death certificate and a copy of the trust to withdraw the funds. Having a trust also reduces the chance of a will contest. If there is a wayward heir, they can contest the will if it is probated. If you do not probate, it’s much harder. You essentially create a challenge barrier with a trust.
There is also a phycological connection. Changing all of your accounts out of your name and into a trust name may feel as if it’s not yours. If that is an issue for you, then this option may be a good way around that feeling.
Cons of Your Trust as Beneficiary
This way of doing a trust does not protect you from court-appointed strangers (known as guardians) controlling your funds during your life. If everything is still in your name and you become incapacitated or someone can assert that you are in cognitive decline, then a guardian can be appointed to control your funds. However, if everything is owned by the trust, then a court-appointed guardian can not access those items. Only the trustee of the trust, as chosen by you, can control what happens. Not only does a full trust prevent a court-appointed stranger from controlling your assets, but they most likely won’t bother with you, because there are no funds for them to control.
In general, Anthony is not really a fan of naming a trust as a beneficiary, because in his experience, people generally do not do a good job tracking their beneficiary designations. We see very often where people forget to change their beneficiaries after relationship ends and people die. It is very easy to forget, even if you are really well organized. The designations are not conspicuous and are not usually listed on the statements, so people do forget. Bottom line – people do not remember.
Another reason that Anthony doesn’t suggest this route is that honestly, doing it this way does not really save as much time as you would think. It is actually very similar to what you will need to do with your assets when you create a full-blown trust. In either scenario, you will have to submit forms and provide documentation, which is almost the same process in both situations.
Naming a trust as your beneficiary is a good steppingstone as first step to a fully funded trust. We suggest you talk out your wishes and situation with an experienced estate planner to determine the best route for you.
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Happy New Year! Solo Ager experts Joy Loverde, Sara Geber, and Carol Marak were kind enough to share their thoughts with us on what Solo Agers should map out in the new year. Here are your seven new year resolutions from your favorite Solo Ager experts:
Shared housing can be summarized in two words: “Golden Girls.” Instead of going into a facility, this is a situation where people share housing. This can be a more intimate, cozy environment, compared to a institution setting. Last year reminded us how important social interaction is, and a lot of people have learned that they want to be in the company of others. She believes that shared housing will increase in popularity and will take off this year, as a result of 2020. This may or may not work for everyone, but it is certainly something for a Solo Ager look into. Joy recommends researching and exploring this option to see if it is something to consider.
2. Be More Aware of the Full Responsibility of Pet Ownership
Another result of 2020 is increased pet ownership. Many people sought companionship from pets when isolated from the real world. Solo Agers need to know the extent of what it takes to care for a furry family member. If they haven’t done so already, now is a good time to research the financial and physical aspects of pet ownership. In particular, what will happen to your pet if you are unable to care for them? Joy recommends exploring a pet trust. While Anthony isn’t a fan of pet trusts, he explains that they are a vehicle to care for the pet financially. Instead of giving funds outright to a person to care for a pet, it’s put into a trust. Anthony suggests that instead of a pet trust, you find someone that will care for your pet properly if given an outright lump sum.
Sara Geber, PhD. is the author of Essential Retirement Planning for Solo Agers. She is also a retirement transition coach and a professional speaker on retirement and aging. Sara shared essential retirement planning tips with Anthony recently on his podcast. You can listen to them here (part 1) and here (part 2). Sara She suggests these New Year’s Resolutions for Solo Agers:
3. Review and update your planning documents
Sara suggests that Solo Agers take the time to review their estate planning documents. In particular, she suggests reviewing your Power of Attorney and Advance Directive, especially if you have not done so in five or more years. While this isn’t the easiest and most uplifting resolution, it is very important. Anthony suggests that you review these documents every 4 years, which coordinates with the Olympics. To him, it is an easier way to remember. This is like going to the dentist – you may not love it, but you have to do it.
4. Have “the conversation” with your family and/or other loved ones
Again, while not a fun topic of conversation, it’s important. You don’t have to make a whole to-do about telling them, but it’s a good time to start talking, even if it’s informally. If you don’t share your end of life wishes and emergency contacts, then no one might know. It doesn’t necessarily have to be family. It may be your Super or Doorman that may learn of your passing before others. They see you daily and may know if something is wrong. You will want them to know who to call.
While not easy to talk about, if you share your burial and inheritance wishes beforehand, it may make it easier on those who will help with your funeral planning and finances.
Carol says that you should work to shift uncertainty into predictable outcomes. Generally, uncertainty can be stressful, so she suggests you fix it. If you’re feeling stressed about your health – fix it. Talk to your primary care physician about things you can do to change your daily habits and feel better.
She suggests that you build a team of support. Not knowing who will help you when you need it can be stressful. A family can be built with friends and Carol calls these your “family of choice.” It does not necessarily need to be relatives. Find your team – your friends, your doorman, etc.
6. Never buy into the idea that you are powerless
Carol suggests that you list two goals you want to accomplish. They do not have to be big goals. Simply pick two things that you have thought about doing and do them. She suggests that to do this, you should find the people who can help you learn the skills or strategies to achieve them.
Anthony, a Solo Ager expert as well shares his resolutions for Solo Agers:
7. Read more books, less “news”
Anthony recommends that you read more books and watch less news. Books help to educate and sharpen your mind. Authors of books typically spend substantially more time researching and writing the book then say a blog post or news article that was written on the whim. He feels that books immerse you, contrary to news articles which tend to enflame you.
Reading keeps you sharp and talking about books makes you a better conversationalist than talking about news. Set a goal to read one or two books a year. Anthony suggests that you never put pressure on yourself to finish a book. If you start it and don’t like it, put it down. You can go back to it or you can simply never pick it up again. If you go into a book with that pressure, it’s much harder to get started reading. Knowing you can stop when you want gives you some mental freedom to try more and more books.
Let’s face it – book clubs sound more fun and social than news clubs! Another bonus – you don’t have to purchase books. You can borrow them from a library or even your friends.
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