It’s not uncommon for couples to forgo marriage. Instead, they choose to live their lives together as partners and significant others. But what does that mean for the other person when their partner dies?
https://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/E193-What-Happens-When-Your-Partner-Dies-and-Youre-Not-Married.jpg10801920Anthony Parkhttps://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/logo-600.pngAnthony Park2020-12-02 07:00:592025-03-03 09:10:05E193 What Happens When Your Partner Dies and You’re Not Married?
This is a very important question and Joy says that the answer is yourself. It’s a mindset. You have to have the willingness to talk to others, make plans, and be willing to have these difficult conversations right now. These conversations include signing legal documents, having them in order, and having money in the bank.
Joy says that quite often, people are surprised to learn they are the person to take over the roll of caring for someone. You never know who will land on your doorstep or something will happen to us.
The reality is that some people do not have family members that will around when the time comes. There are community groups out there for just this situation.
There are situations where there is no one to care for you and you run the risk of becoming a ward of the state. This is not ideal. Joy says that you should do your research now to see what you may need down the road. The worst thing you can do is do nothing.
Benefits of Aging in Place
There are quite a few benefits to aging in place. But you need to show up and get out in the community where you live so that others get to know you and you get to know them.
We get to know our surroundings and navigate them by memory, and if we get to know our strengths and weaknesses now where we live, it will be beneficial to aging in place. You have to be conscious of where you live. You can’t assume that things will be in place all the time. That goes for both inside and outside of the home in the community.
Disadvantages of Aging in Place
There are certainly a few disadvantages and risks, starting with the home aging along with us. A bedroom on the second floor or basement laundry may also pose problems.
Another huge issue is that as we age, we may become forgetful. Being alone and forgetful is a recipe for disaster, especially financially. We need to remember to keep money in the bank, pay bills, etc.
Lastly, there is a caregiver shortage. There may not be anyone available to help when you finally make the call to an in-home agency.
Manhattan and other big cities are a great place to age alone, as the city is walkable, and the buildings have security. One advantage is that it’s easier to make friends. People tend to get know their doorman, neighbors, and even the mailman. Buildings become their own community. There are also many social activities you can get involved in that you can walk to.
Outside of the city, transportation can become an issue. Particularly driving cars as we age. This is something to consider. You will need to factor in the cost of paying for ride share cars each time.
How to Reduce Social Isolation (Zero Isolation)
Joy’s chapter Zero Isolation talks about how to make friends. She says that one of the things we need to look for when we join an organization is to make sure there is new people coming in all the time. You want to look for clubs where there is a revolving door which will keep the organization thriving. If there are no new members, the pool of friends and members may dry up. You can also seek out new things online – cooking classes, language classes, etc. Just get out there and meet people.
Another discussion is eating alone. While eating alone is fine, Joy recommends trying to eat with people as often as you’re able. This can be as simple as eating on a park bench with a new friend and inviting them to share your meal. Sharing your thoughts and ideas over food is a great way to meet new friends.
During the holidays, Joy says that you do not have to feel obligated to go to family dinners. Family dinners aren’t always positive and happy, and you simply don’t have to go. However, you should be prepared that you may be lonely. A good idea is to plan something for yourself on that particular day, even if it’s to clean and reorganize your closet.
How We Both Got Into Serving this Community
Anthony is a professional executor. He is hired to navigate estates and probates for families and heirs that are not nearby or are unable to serve. He realized that there is a great demand for this type of assistance, and he enjoys being able to help people in this situation.
Joy saw a group of elders sitting alone in the dark at a nursing home on Thanksgiving when she was just 14 years old. She didn’t understand why they ended up this way, especially since she comes from a large Italian family. Over time, she realized that it was a lack of communication between family members, leading her to write her first book. She wanted to get people talking and we are grateful she has.
Free copy of “The Solo Ager Estate Plan”
Complete this form to receive your complimentary copy of Anthony’s Amazon best-seller, “The Solo Ager Estate Plan”
https://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/E192-How-to-Plan-for-Old-Age-and-Being-Childless-With-Joy-Loverde.jpg10801920Anthony Parkhttps://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/logo-600.pngAnthony Park2020-11-25 07:00:242020-11-19 12:46:08E192 How to Plan for Old Age and Being Childless With Joy Loverde
https://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/E191-3-Ways-to-Start-Probate-With-No-Upfront-Fees.jpg10801920Anthony Parkhttps://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/logo-600.pngAnthony Park2020-11-18 07:00:542025-02-19 09:04:41E191 3 Ways to Start Probate With No Upfront Fees
https://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/E190-When-Does-the-Executor-Tell-the-Beneficiaries.jpg10801920Anthony Parkhttps://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/logo-600.pngAnthony Park2020-11-11 07:00:142025-02-22 06:56:10E190 When Does the Executor Tell the Beneficiaries?
No, it’s not a good idea to have an out-of-state executor. Although it’s technically legally allowed, in reality an out-of-state executor causes tons of problems.
https://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/E189-Can-an-Executor-be-Out-of-State.jpg10801920Anthony Parkhttps://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/logo-600.pngAnthony Park2020-11-04 07:00:592025-02-19 09:40:48E189 Can an Executor be Out-of-State?
When all this happened, Erica’s mom was 70 years old. She was not diagnosed with dementia, technically. But for years Erica’s dad had handled everything. So when he passed away, it created a vacuum for mom’s care.
How did she end up with a court-appointed guardian?
Unfortunately, Erica’s family was divided on how best to care for mom. So their uncle (mom’s brother) stepped in and hired his own attorney. And that attorney recommended an independent, court-appointed conservator to have legal authority over Erica’s mom.
Once that lawyer got the ball rolling, there wasn’t much discussion or debate. This was happening. And before they could get their bearings, Erica and her sisters were in court.
What was so bad about mom’s court-appointed stranger?
First, he was a total stranger. Neither mom, nor Erica, nor any of the family members had ever met this person. And even after he received his court-appointment, he only met Erica’s mom once.
Second, Erica discovered that he had a history of complaints. She spoke with the families of several of his past conservatees, and they had one message: keep him away if you can!
As for his actions:
He isolated mom from her daughters
He changed mom’s phone number several times to hinder contact
He cleaned out mom’s house, disposing of all family and sentimental items
He ordered renovations to the house, not for mom’s benefit, but to generate rental income or sell (once he moved mom to a nursing home)
The court-appointed stranger was able to coerce mom into all these steps with the constant threat that he would move her into a nursing home, otherwise
How did Erica finally get rid of the conservator?
Erica contacted every agency and authority she could think of: from the court, to the police, and even the FBI. Finally, she had a breakthrough when she complained to the county Probate Investigator’s Office.
After some struggle and negotiations, they were finally able to rid themselves of mom’s nightmare court-appointed stranged.
What Erica would do differently?
Discuss with mom her wishes and intentions. And not just when a crisis is at hand. Do it way before mom or dad is on the verge of losing capacity
Help mom and dad make a will or estate plan
The rest of family needs to keep their act together. Conflicts will only get everyone dragged into court,
More about Erica
Read the full version of Erica’s story at NextAvenue.org.
Erica is also an author, and published a book of poetry inspired by her experience titled “I’m Not Playing”
FREE Copy of “The Solo Ager Estate Plan”
Complete this form to receive your complimentary copy of Anthony’s Amazon best-seller, “The Solo Ager Estate Plan”
Many folks who ask me to be their executor, make their will using do-it-yourself methods. So here are some tips on how to maximize the chances your estate plan will actually work.
https://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/E186-Who-Will-Bury-Me-If-I-Have-No-Family_-1.jpg10801920Anthony Parkhttps://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/logo-600.pngAnthony Park2020-10-14 07:00:312025-02-23 06:01:21E186 Who Will Bury Me If I Have No Family?
https://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/E185-How-to-Name-a-Bank-as-Your-Executor.jpg10801920Anthony Parkhttps://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/logo-600.pngAnthony Park2020-10-07 07:00:052025-03-03 09:06:10E185 How to Name a Bank as Your Executor
https://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/E184-Why-is-Being-an-Executor-Difficult_-The-Statistics.jpg10801920Anthony Parkhttps://anthonyspark.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/logo-600.pngAnthony Park2020-09-30 07:00:542025-03-06 08:49:36E184 Why is Being an Executor Difficult? The Statistics
E193 What Happens When Your Partner Dies and You’re Not Married?
/in New York Wills and Trusts, Solo Agers, Wills /by Anthony ParkIt’s not uncommon for couples to forgo marriage. Instead, they choose to live their lives together as partners and significant others. But what does that mean for the other person when their partner dies?
E192 How to Plan for Old Age and Being Childless With Joy Loverde
/in Solo Agers /by Anthony ParkWe had the privilege of speaking with Joy Loverde, author of two books, The Complete Eldercare Planner and Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old. She’s an expert in this area of solo agers and we are grateful that she shared her insight with our followers.
Who Will Take Care of Me When I Get Old?
This is a very important question and Joy says that the answer is yourself. It’s a mindset. You
have to have the willingness to talk to others, make plans, and be willing to have these difficult
conversations right now. These conversations include signing legal documents, having them in
order, and having money in the bank.
Joy says that quite often, people are surprised to learn they are the person to take over the roll
of caring for someone. You never know who will land on your doorstep or something will happen
to us.
The reality is that some people do not have family members that will around when the time
comes. There are community groups out there for just this situation.
There are situations where there is no one to care for you and you run the risk of becoming a
ward of the state. This is not ideal. Joy says that you should do your research now to see what
you may need down the road. The worst thing you can do is do nothing.
Benefits of Aging in Place
There are quite a few benefits to aging in place. But you need to show up and get out in the
community where you live so that others get to know you and you get to know them.
We get to know our surroundings and navigate them by memory, and if we get to know our
strengths and weaknesses now where we live, it will be beneficial to aging in place. You have to
be conscious of where you live. You can’t assume that things will be in place all the time. That
goes for both inside and outside of the home in the community.
Disadvantages of Aging in Place
There are certainly a few disadvantages and risks, starting with the home aging along with us. A
bedroom on the second floor or basement laundry may also pose problems.
Another huge issue is that as we age, we may become forgetful. Being alone and forgetful is a
recipe for disaster, especially financially. We need to remember to keep money in the bank, pay
bills, etc.
Lastly, there is a caregiver shortage. There may not be anyone available to help when you
finally make the call to an in-home agency.
Manhattan and other big cities are a great place to age alone, as the city is walkable, and the
buildings have security. One advantage is that it’s easier to make friends. People tend to get
know their doorman, neighbors, and even the mailman. Buildings become their own community.
There are also many social activities you can get involved in that you can walk to.
Outside of the city, transportation can become an issue. Particularly driving cars as we age.
This is something to consider. You will need to factor in the cost of paying for ride share cars
each time.
How to Reduce Social Isolation (Zero Isolation)
Joy’s chapter Zero Isolation talks about how to make friends. She says that one of the things we
need to look for when we join an organization is to make sure there is new people coming in all
the time. You want to look for clubs where there is a revolving door which will keep the
organization thriving. If there are no new members, the pool of friends and members may dry
up. You can also seek out new things online – cooking classes, language classes, etc. Just get
out there and meet people.
Another discussion is eating alone. While eating alone is fine, Joy recommends trying to eat
with people as often as you’re able. This can be as simple as eating on a park bench with a new
friend and inviting them to share your meal. Sharing your thoughts and ideas over food is a
great way to meet new friends.
During the holidays, Joy says that you do not have to feel obligated to go to family dinners.
Family dinners aren’t always positive and happy, and you simply don’t have to go. However, you
should be prepared that you may be lonely. A good idea is to plan something for yourself on that
particular day, even if it’s to clean and reorganize your closet.
How We Both Got Into Serving this Community
Anthony is a professional executor. He is hired to navigate estates and probates for families and
heirs that are not nearby or are unable to serve. He realized that there is a great demand for this
type of assistance, and he enjoys being able to help people in this situation.
Joy saw a group of elders sitting alone in the dark at a nursing home on Thanksgiving when she
was just 14 years old. She didn’t understand why they ended up this way, especially since she
comes from a large Italian family. Over time, she realized that it was a lack of communication
between family members, leading her to write her first book. She wanted to get people talking
and we are grateful she has.
Free copy of “The Solo Ager Estate Plan”
Complete this form to receive your complimentary copy of Anthony’s Amazon best-seller, “The Solo Ager Estate Plan”
Solo Ager Book v1
"*" indicates required fields
How to Start Estate Planning if You Are Terminally Ill
5 Reasons to Hire a Professional Executor to Sell Probate Real Estate
How much does it cost to hire an executor?
E191 3 Ways to Start Probate With No Upfront Fees
/in New York Probate, Non-NY Probate, Non-US Probate, Probate /by Anthony ParkIf you’ve done your research, you know that a good probate lawyer is not cheap. So how can you start your probate case even if you can’t pay now?
E190 When Does the Executor Tell the Beneficiaries?
/in New York Professional Executor, Professional executor, Solo Agers /by Anthony ParkWhen does the executor tell the beneficiaries? Once the court process starts, which is usually shortly after death.
E189 Can an Executor be Out-of-State?
/in New York Probate, New York Professional Executor, Non-NY Probate, Non-US Probate, Probate, Professional executor /by Anthony ParkNo, it’s not a good idea to have an out-of-state executor. Although it’s technically legally allowed, in reality an out-of-state executor causes tons of problems.
E188 Erica’s Court-Appointed Stranger
/in Solo Agers, Wills /by Anthony ParkErica Loberg shares the story of her mom’s court-appointed stranger, and what she would to do differently to avoid a court-appointed conservator.
Erica first shared her full story at NextAvenue.org.
About Erica’s mom
When all this happened, Erica’s mom was 70 years old. She was not diagnosed with dementia, technically. But for years Erica’s dad had handled everything. So when he passed away, it created a vacuum for mom’s care.
How did she end up with a court-appointed guardian?
Unfortunately, Erica’s family was divided on how best to care for mom. So their uncle (mom’s brother) stepped in and hired his own attorney. And that attorney recommended an independent, court-appointed conservator to have legal authority over Erica’s mom.
Once that lawyer got the ball rolling, there wasn’t much discussion or debate. This was happening. And before they could get their bearings, Erica and her sisters were in court.
What was so bad about mom’s court-appointed stranger?
First, he was a total stranger. Neither mom, nor Erica, nor any of the family members had ever met this person. And even after he received his court-appointment, he only met Erica’s mom once.
Second, Erica discovered that he had a history of complaints. She spoke with the families of several of his past conservatees, and they had one message: keep him away if you can!
As for his actions:
How did Erica finally get rid of the conservator?
Erica contacted every agency and authority she could think of: from the court, to the police, and even the FBI. Finally, she had a breakthrough when she complained to the county Probate Investigator’s Office.
After some struggle and negotiations, they were finally able to rid themselves of mom’s nightmare court-appointed stranged.
What Erica would do differently?
More about Erica
Read the full version of Erica’s story at NextAvenue.org.
Erica is also an author, and published a book of poetry inspired by her experience titled “I’m Not Playing”
FREE Copy of “The Solo Ager Estate Plan”
Complete this form to receive your complimentary copy of Anthony’s Amazon best-seller, “The Solo Ager Estate Plan”
Solo Ager Book v1
"*" indicates required fields
E338 Should I Sell My Home Before I Die?
E334 Why Hire a Professional Trustee?
E329 Professional Executor for Physician-Assisted Dying
E187 3 Best Free DIY Will Software
/in New York Wills and Trusts, Solo Agers, Wills /by Anthony ParkMany folks who ask me to be their executor, make their will using do-it-yourself methods. So here are some tips on how to maximize the chances your estate plan will actually work.
E186 Who Will Bury Me If I Have No Family?
/in New York Wills and Trusts, Solo Agers, Wills /by Anthony ParkThis is an important question for Solo Agers, or for anyone without family nearby.
E185 How to Name a Bank as Your Executor
/in New York Professional Executor, Professional executor /by Anthony ParkWant a professional executor, but prefer an institution such as a bank or trust company? Here’s what to expect.
E184 Why is Being an Executor Difficult? The Statistics
/in New York Professional Executor, Probate, Professional executor /by Anthony ParkHere are the results of a survey and statistics to illustrate why folks think being an executor is so difficult.